Posts Tagged ‘Nicolas Cage’

Yesterday’s matches were never even close. Keanu and Liz left Kevin and Reese choking in the dust of their extraneous vowels and elongated syllables.

The last matches of the first round feature contemporary actors, including the money favorite to win the whole thing.

The first game pits yet another Scalawag – Georgia-born Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias – against New Yorker Kyra Sedgwick in The Closer.

Roberts speaks with the same accent many Southerners do these days, which is to say, not much of one at all. But for Steel Magnolias, she flattens her terminal r’s like roadkill, and gives every pronounced vowel that pseudo-aristo ‘aeh’ sound.

Apparently the “Closer” that Sedgwick plays in The Closer is supposed to be from Atlanta, which apparently is supposed to explain why she inserts an ‘ey’ where a short-vowel-sound would otherwise appear (i.e., she ey-inserts ey-an ey-‘ey’ whey-ere ey-a short-vowel-seyound weyould . . . OK, you get the idea).

In the second match-up, British actor Andrew Lincoln from The Walking Dead takes on an adversary even more terrifying than a herd of Walkers – Nicolas Cage in the immortal Con Air.

Lincoln’s accent isn’t always bad, which is what makes it so atrocious when it comes roaring up, seemingly out of nowhere, like he’s been bitten by Jerry Clower instead of a zombie.

I can’t find a decent clip from the show online, but that hardly matters since I don’t see how anybody can stand up to Cage’s “Put the bunny back in the box.”

Seriously. “Put the bunny back in the box.” Every other bracket may be a waste of time.


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